Parenthood

It’s been an exhilarating week with the birth of our first child. Witnessing the birth of Zadie was definitely one of the greatest life-changing experiences of my life. Her life is a gift from God and a testimony of His faithfulness. Zadie’s middle name is “Glory” as we hope her life is one of worship for our great God.

Nina and I are typical nervous first-time parents. We get paranoid at every turn when we suspect even the slightest things are amiss. But fortunately we’ve been tremendously blessed by the outpouring of support from our church and families.

Reflecting on being a parent for the first time I think it is both exhilarating and exhausting. Not just the physical toll of staying up from the late night cries. It’s just the thought that you are entirely responsible for this little growing life. If I mess up now I not only bring myself down but also my entire family. I realize that marriage and children are a key way that God is sanctifying my life. He’s drawing me away from my selfish insticts to focus upon the needs and growth of others. He’s drawing my heart outward and upward through the blessings of family. And through all my future failings, He’ll surely extend His grace to carry me.

As I think about family this verse stings all the more: “If anyone comes to me and hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). This verse isn’t talking about actually hating our family as we are called throughout the Bible to love (Ex. 20:12; 1 Cor. 13). But it means that compared to our love for God, everything else must pale in comparison. I must love my family and am willing to give up everything for my daughter but I can never make them my idol. My chief duty is not only to love my God but teach my family to love Him as well.

I have never experienced the kind of love I feel that I feel now for my wife and child. It is but a dim reflection of the love of Christ for His first family. I hope we would reflect that love well as a family. Zadie, welcome home my love! May we love well our God and serve Him greatly!

Filed under: personal

Fatherhood

I could barely make out those rapidly moving lines on the screen. It looked like I was watching static on the television screen. But suddenly out of those seemingly impenetrable waves flickered a little life. It was moving and wiggling around in my wife’s womb. It was seemingly restless and hyperactive. This child surely has my DNA! I saw a little hand move to suck on its thumb. After zooming in the doctor declared that we had a baby girl on our hands. I felt overwhelmed with joy.

I really can’t believe I’ll be a father soon. Feeling the little kicks of my baby girl makes this seem more a reality. More than anything else I feel grateful. This little life is such an amazing gift. It’s like out of the desert of my heart, God decided to flood me with an ocean of water. This little life brings me so much unexplainable joy. And to think we haven’t even brought her home yet! When I think of all of those biblical narratives that deal with barrenness and the joy of a child I always felt detached. But now I’m slowly coming to understand this joy of new life.

I really can’t wait to be a father. I can’t wait to raise my daughter. I’ll read to her, sip imaginary tea with her and teach her to be careful of boys. But I’m also looking forward to the lessons it will teach me about God’s fatherly heart for me. If I have so much joy for this little unborn child, how much more does he loves his childdren whom He has died to save? What an amazing process. What an amazing God.

Filed under: personal

A Hundred Little Distractions

These days there are countless new ways to waste time: Facebook, Youtube, iChat, widgets and countless other little seconds of distractions that equal hours. Centuries ago Blaise Pascal wrote that “Most of the evils of life arise from man’s being unable to sit still in a room.” He said that the miseries in our life occur because we are always trying to entertain ourselves to keep ourselves from really thinking of our true estate.

When the blessed man is described in Psalm 1 he is described as someone who meditates “day and night.” He’s a person who is deeply rooted because he understands God and his own soul. He has a foundation that cannot be shaken by the winds of change.

As a culture we are a thousand feet wide and one inch deep. We do a lot of things but we are not centered in any one thing. We are a thousand disconnected IMs and a hundred different Facebook messages but nothing in particular. I long for depth, substance and genuine conversation with my God and His people.

Filed under: personal

Confessions of a Angeleno Church Planter

It’s quite a challenge planting a church from a group of two people with no money or initial church support.  But it’s even more of a challenge to plant a church in Los Angeles. This city has a rich history of great churches and religious movements. The Azusa Street Revival which can be credited as starting the modern pentecostal movement started right in Little Tokyo. But these are hard days to grow spirituality in the City of Angels.

Church plants are generally very difficult. Statistics vary to the degree but almost invariably most church plants fail. But when you add a difficult context to church planting it becomes almost impossible. Here are a couple of difficulties:

Los Angeles is a consumer culture. This can be fairly said of most of the United States but I would say it has particular relevance in Los Angeles.  I wouldn’t say it’s a Hollywood effect per se. I would say Angelenos are unfairly characterized as shallow and image conscious. But on a relative scale some of it holds true. One of the most popular places in Los Angeles is “the Grove.” It’s a small suburban outdoor mall in the middle of Los Angeles. People look sleek, fashion-conscious and on the move. From the movies, to concerts to performances everything has a very high production value. When you translate this to the church, people also value high production in their church services. This almost invariably means a highly accomplished band, a very entertaining pastor and a  stylized look and feel. But the only churches capable of this kind of production is the mega-church. That’s why you see that most of Los Angles is dominated by a few mega-churches.

Consumer cultures are also very difficult because it means very low commitment. People will stay as long as they are happy, but will leave when they feel their needs are not being met. There are people who are always “shopping for churches.” Some people have been wandering the aisles for years in Los Angeles! If church plants require a lot of up-front commitment, and consumer cultures cannot provide many people along those lines, small church plants will invariable struggle in Los Angeles.

The second issue is a generational one. Many of the people at our church are second generation Asian-Americans. They come from a tradition of people who have long valued prayer, hard-work and commitment. But these same attributes are not often found in the following generation. The book of Judges gives us these same dynamics. Often generationally there is a shift from believing faith to indifference and idolatry. The reason is that we often take the benefits of the first generation for granted. We have benefited from our parents’ commitment and sacrifice by having a relatively easy life and sacrifice-free existence in life and in church. But this easily leads to a lack of front-line prayer and zeal. When you add all of these factors into the process of church planting it leads you to this: it ain’t easy.

What gives me hope? The more I look at the context of Los Angeles with its culture and idolatry, the more I realize that I need to be here.  That may mean being a Jeremiah and preaching to a unresponsive people or it can mean something else. I would immediately leave the ministry if I didn’t believe in the Holy Spirit. The Spirit called me into the ministry and particular to this context in Los Angeles. But the spirit is also the power, the wind, the fire that carries the lifeless spirits of men and makes them alive. The Spirit is that person that moves in midst of an idolatrous generation and city and brings new life. I have no chance by myself. I have every resource in the Spirit’s ministry. And it’s here in this city that I ask for God’s spirit to once again move. Anybody want to join me?

Filed under: City, personal

Back on Track

Nina and I just arrived on Sunday evening from San Francisco. We were visiting my parents after our honeymoon in Seattle and Vancouver. We learned there is a reason couples tend to vacation in sunny places. Most people dream of white Christmases not white honeymoons. But it was nonetheless wonderful and restful. Seattle had its many charms. I didn’t realize how urban it was. We had a chance to visit Mars Hill Church last Sunday. It’s one of the fastest growing churches in the country. Pastor Mark Driscoll is packing it in during his many Sunday services. His appeal is obvious: he’s hilarious (often crass) and smart. His sermon can get long (it was almost an hour!) but his humor makes it go down easy. They are definitely doing some innovative things to minister to the city of Seattle.

Vancouver was also quite cold. I wanted to wear a ski mask during our entire honeymoon, but I didn’t think Nina would appreciate that too much. It’s a really dense, diverse and urban city. It’s also beautiful with a lot of great places to eat. We also drove up to Whistler which is only an hour and a half away. It definitely made this trip. One of the most scenic places I’ve visited. Too bad we couldn’t enjoy it for very long. Nina got sick (as most brides) during the honeymoon, but overall it was a wonderful escape.

This last month has been one of the craziest times of my life. In the span of a few weeks me and my wife bought a home, hosted a new year’s party, planned a wedding, moved twice, got married in midst of a power outage, honeymooned, met with family on both sides and have finally come back to a new home filled with boxes. Our condo looked like a war-zone early this morning. But by evening’s end things seemed a lot more settled. We’ve been really grateful for the outpouring of support as we have begin our new lives together. We’ve been even more thankful for how God has wonderfully weaved everything together for our good. I’m excited to begin a new chapter with a most wonderful partner. Here’s to new beginnings…

Filed under: personal

Love and Marriage

For those of you who don’t know, Nina and I got married last Saturday! The marriage ceremony wasn’t without it’s hitches though. Let me recount the top three:

1. The Light Went Out

Thirty minutes before the marriage ceremony all the lights on the entire block went out. A transformer erupted in flames and firetrucks were on our block putting it out. That meant the entire ceremony was without lights and the organ. Redeeming quality: It provided a wonderful mood as we got married under the glow of candlelight.

2. I Dropped Nina’s Ring

During this ceremony I was so nervous that my hands were drenched with sweat. So when the time came to place the ring on Nina’s finger, the ring slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor! I usually have sure hands but its hard to hold something with watery hands. Redeeming quality: It provided some comic relief as Pastor James told me that I should place the ring on her finger not her toe.

3. My Crazy Uncle

I had a crazy unknown uncle who went to the front of the sanctuary to take pictures with his little digital camera. He practically disrupted the whole service and made it entirely akward. Did I also say I didn’t know this uncle too well? Redeeming quality: None.

But through all the drama the wedding service went really well. The banquet afterward was also a delight. The power came on just in time for the special song and slide show which absolutely required power. It was a beautiful, memorable wedding and banquet. Thanks for all those who made this day so special.

Nina and I are currently vacationing in beautiful Vancouver Canada. Despite the cold weather, it’s been beautiful. We’re excited to begin our lives together. We’re also eager to get home and begin our new ministry to our church and Downtown Los Angeles. See you all shortly!

Filed under: personal